The Funk

Great title huh?

But that's just been what I've been in lately. I've found myself on more occasions than I want to remember telling myself to just breath. Repeating basic Bible verses about not being anxious, trusting the Lord.

I'm thinking it started with Joshua's first trip to Boston. I still question why we had to do that one and then another, knowing that God could have prevented it.

I question why we've had to go through waiting for answers to help him. I mean really God could have led us to Boston 2 years ago when we knew something wasn't quite right. But He didn't.

I'm learning that God is more interested in the journey than the outcome.

It's the same with our journey with Yi. I'm learning and so is everyone else in the family that our responsibility is obedience, NOT the outcome. God is responsible for convicting and prodding and pursing Yi's heart.

I know, basic truth but sometimes I think God continues to take us to new levels of understanding in basic truths. Aren't you grateful He's good to do that?!!

As I've nearly had panic attacks over Joshua's surgery I am reminded of that too. God led us to this step with Joshua and we just have to trust Him to guide us every step of the way.

So far He's provided a carrier that we can use for Joshua and then for Micah... for FREE, from a dear fellow adoptive momma. Then He provided the stroller that we will need in Boston to help stroll Joshua around to help take his mind off his pain.... for FREE from my sister.

Then God showed me a way to make Joshua food and store it so maybe we can help us all survive him on food restrictions for 6 weeks. That I paid $60 for but it'll be $ well spent if it'll help me and him survive. You see Joshie has all the signs of a child that was deprived of food for the first 2 years of his life. He really does well now but any time he's under stress (i.e. in pain, in a new place, on vacation, sick, etc.) he'll revert back to those old ways and reactions. Really, you could tell him he can't have a carrot and he could flip on us during those times. Like I said money well spent if I can process food for him and store it (since I do have 4 other kids) and have it ready when he thinks he needs it!

Then there is that minor glitch in money to get back and forth to Boston, pay for a place to stay, eat while there, and be in the adoption process at the same time. We had money in the bank from our adoption tax credit that we planned on using to travel. Now we need it to travel up to eastern USA. God is providing in great ways through extra jobs for Clayton and we may get another grant through our agency... always something to keep us dependant on Him that's for sure. This life is supposed to be lived by faith in Him right!!

Then there is that stinkin' LOA that China is not sending our way in my timing. Really... because of the above mention things I have bouncing around in my head I can see God's hand in prolonging this a few more months than we initially thought. BUT I do know that for kids with pasts that include abandonment, deprivations of any kind, etc. that the truth is God heals and restores and makes new paths in those dessert places BUT it is hard to feel like we couldn't get to them fast enough. That they have scars they carry, yet God uses for His glory. It's always just hard as parents to see our children walk through hard!

Here are some verses that have kept my head above water the past few weeks especially. Hope God's Word is an encouragement to y'all too!

Zephaniah 3:17
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 2:11
"The Lord will be awesome to them when He destroys all the gods of the land. The nations on every shore will worship Him, every one in its own land."

Habakkuk 3:19
"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet liek the feet of a deer, He enables me to go onteh heights."

Obviously I have been reading the minor prophets which started with a study of Micah. This is the verse God used to help us name our Micah.

Micah 7:18, 19
"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."

I'll never get over how God's Word can soothe our souls!