No matter how hard I try to say, "Would you please try that again with respect?" It just doesn't sound the same. I can tell you it works though. Now we just need to have the "frequency, intensity, and duration" needed to see real change in reactions and behaviors. I SO wish we would have started out knowing this research with Joshua.
Basic jist of the weekend is that God doesn't bully us into behaving or obeying. He comes alongside us, has compassion on us, and EVERYTHING He teaches us comes out of (or should come out of) that intimate relationship with Him. When our children feel like we are for them; they feel safe enough to trust us. This comes by LOTS of investment parenting. I know this sounds crazy but I realized it is actually good to feel drained at the end of the day. If I am investing my life into the 5(almost 6) kids then I will feel tired. There again the Christ filled life is about laying our life down for Him.
All children need investment parenting but those that have come from hard places, abandonment, difficult pregnancies, rejection, early hospitalizations need a bit more of us. For those of you that have been to my house you know who those are by how many times they come to just stand by me, hovering or talking.
I am intrigued by all the research in brain chemistry and altered brain chemistry we learned this weekend but when it all falls out I have to parent out of the fact that each of my children is precious. It's their preciousness I have to see when they are acting out of their fears.
It's amazing to me that God can use me to alter my children's brain chemistry and help them heal from the trauma and "hard places" they've had. We really are fearfully and wonderfully made by an incredible God!
It was so sweet to put into practice these things with each of our children today. I confess our birth children respond faster and simply put easier than our adopted children. That is very normal though, thus we press on with hope for Joy and Joshua to be able to function without fear and anxiety. It still baffles me that Joshua (in an orphanage for 2 years and home for 3) has so many more sensory and fear responses than Joy (home 1 year and in a foster family in China for 8 years).
I have some guesses about Joshua's birthmother's pregnancy and birth because of some muscle weakness he had for the first year home. I also know that he experienced neglect in a Chinese orphanage. AND he had early hospitalizations... no wonder the poor baby suffers from extreme anxiety and sensory issues.
We're getting to the healing point though. He has come so far and now we have an even better direction.
Here's a picture of sweet Faith putting up her bird feeders made at a co op we are in. Her and I got to play tennis, just the two of us, yesterday. I love spending time with this girl!
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